Crimes of Passion
by ninaxwings
Summary: A series of one-shots and flashbacks set in my Suicide Squad prequel Crimes of the Heart universe. Happier times for the Clowns and a glimpse of Joker's rise to power in Gotham
1. Heartless

A few months had passed since Harley Quinn's chemical bath and she was quickly learning the crime game at the Joker's side. It was still very early in his career he only owned one strip club, Grin and Bare it. He had just purchased a posh apartment building in the heart of Gotham and was getting busy furnishing his mostly empty penthouse. Right now Harley is sprawled out naked next to the Joker on their king mattress in the master bedroom. They had robbed an armored car the night before and made love on a pile of cash in their new lair. The Clowns lay tangled together exhausted from their lengthy romp. Joker untangles one of his arms and reaches for a bottle of champagne chilling in a plastic bucket filled with ice next to their makeshift bed. Harley yanks the cork out with her teeth and Joker pours champagne into her mouth and lets it run down her body. Harley takes the bottle off his hands and he goes to work lapping up the spilled champagne. Harley shivers with delight and looks at the bottle.

"Pink champagne Mr. J?" Harley throws her head back thoroughly enjoying a nip to the stomach from her lover. He looks up crazy as ever and takes a swig from the bottle before going back to kissing every inch of Harley's smooth, creamy legs.

"The way you killed that guard," Joker comes up for a kiss "Was so hot."

Harley giggles and puts the bottle down.

"That goon I strangled with his own handcuffs?" Harley digs her nails into Joker's shoulders. He works his way back up to her neck and settles with an arm around her.

"All of your kills," he tightens his arms around her waist and pulls her on top of him "I can't get enough of you let's go again."

Harley wiggles her hips and leans down to kiss him then she pauses, admiring his tattoos. She traces her fingers over the _Damaged_ on his forehead.

"Puddin I have an idea." Harley presses up against him again. It takes all of Joker's control not to get lost in his creation for another twelve hours.

"My Doll gets what she wants," he grabs her wrists and yanks her hands down "After I get what I want."

"But baby you'll like this one," Harley grinds her hips against him "Let's hit a tattoo shop."

Joker is instantly a thousand times more turned on. He flips Harley over and they plan the job in bed. A few hours pass and the sun starts to set by the time the Clowns make it into the shower. The Joker was captivated by Harley's long platinum hair and he takes his time in the shower gently combing and conditioning her locks. The penthouse didn't have towels or sheets yet so the Clowns sit in the carpeted living room naked and dripping from the shower. Joker had lifted a tablet from a previous job and Harley was using Google Maps to pick a tattoo parlor to hit. She finds one she likes and passes the tablet to Joker.

"You like the tech stuff huh?" Joker nods in approval his Harley couldn't have picked a better location to hit.

"I like toys any kind of toy." Harley winks and stands up. She and Joker had moved in with a few suitcases between the two of them filled with costumes, cosmetics, and weaponry. Harley starts picking outfits for herself and her Puddin when the elevator dinging distracts her. The doors open and Jonny Frost comes stumbling in. He sees Joker naked and covers his eyes.

"Why god why," Frost turns his back to Joker "Do you two ever do anything other than fuck?"

Joker and Harley start giggling in unison and Joker comes over to Harley and kisses her, digging his hands into her hips.

"I'll have you know my Harley girl planned the next job." Joker lets go of Harley and starts getting dressed. Harley had picked out a hipster disguise for him, dark almost-skinny jeans and a plaid shirt with big, nerdy glasses. Harley giggles when he dons the glasses.

"Boss this broad has been tons of fun," Frost pauses "But she's bad for business when are we gonna put her in the river?"

Joker lets out a cry of rage and throws Harley to the floor on his way to punch Frost. Jonny ducks and tries to jump over the marble counter in the kitchen but Joker is faster. He collars Frost and puts a gun to his head. Frost holds up his hands and insists he "didn't mean nothing by it!"

"Go work Grin and Bare it," Joker hits Frost in the teeth with the gun "There is no we or us, Jonny you're a pet gorilla."

"You ain't nothin' without us Clowns." Harley is back on her feet circling Frost like an animal that might attack.

"Get out!" Joker roars. Frost turns tail and runs for his life. Joker turns to Harley and grabs her, pinning her against a wall.

"Well ain't you possessive," Harley kisses his neck "I like that in a man."

"You poor sweet little fool," Joker grabs her legs and debates going another round "Get away from me while you can."

"Why?" Harley extends her leg until she's in a standing split with one leg on Joker's shoulder.

"You minx," Joker can't resist anymore "I hope I never have to kill you."

"Shut up and give it to me already," Harley moans "You're monologuing me out of the mood."

Eventually the pair get it together and depart in the Jokermobile to do the job. The job was a success and they leave with quite the haul. The robbery itself is another story for another time, one day the blanks will be filled in.

 **AFTER THE JOB**

The Jokermobile rolls into the building's garage and parks. The trunk was full of tattoo equipment and other goodies plus the cash but Harley wasn't feeling the victory. She sits in the passenger seat, twitching from nerves and covered in blood that wasn't hers with a gun still in her hand. Joker shifts the gear into park and grabs Harley's face, pulling her so she has to look him in the eye.

"Breathe," Joker shakes her "You just had your first taste of true madness."

"So much blood," Harley giggles and holds the gun up to her head "I could make more for you!"

"Give me that!" Joker snatches the gun and throws it. He gets out of the car and comes around to Harley's side and opens the door. He kneels in front of her and looks her over.

"You are everything I wanted and more," he tells her "I don't want you to hurt yourself that's my job."

Harley doesn't reply so Joker gets the score out of the trunk and takes Harley up to the penthouse with him. He drops the box with the tattoo guns and ink by the elevator doors and takes Harley into the bathroom. He cleans the blood off of her, talking all the while asking her what she wants and needs but she won't say anything else. Harley just stares at him vacantly. Finally he gets frustrated and shakes her until he gets a response.

"A heart!" Harley screams

"What?" Joker is perplexed.

"How can I love you with no heart?" Harley fights back tears "After what I did on the job I ain't got no heart I'm heartless!"

"Oh Harl," Joker sighs and goes to get the tattoo gear "I can give you a heart."

The Clown Prince spends the rest of the day in bed with his lover. He gives her a permanent heart to wear on her face for all to see. He holds up a mirror and Harley admires the tattoo. She touches a finger to it and lays down in Joker's lap.

"You see this," she taps the tattoo "This belongs to you."

Joker leans down and kisses her so they can go back to their carnal activities. For a moment Joker had been worried that what happened on the tattoo shop job had screwed Harley up and Frost was right but she never failed to surprise him. True madness can never be controlled and it can never be predicted. Somewhere in that chaotic darkness is room for passion and companionship. Sadly nothing lasts forever.

 **Author's note : I'm thinking about starting a mini-series of one shots set in the** ** _Crimes_** **universe would you guys like that? The tattoo shop job will be featured via flashback in a future chapter. I wanted to write some Clown love since they're not getting along right now.**


	2. The Smiling Princess

The Clown Prince of crime had an important event to attend and his plus one was nowhere to be found. Many robberies and capers after the tattoo shop job the Joker had amassed a small fortune. Together he and Harley had purchased an old dive bar in the club district and completely renovated it. Tonight was the grand opening of his newest venture, Sirens of Gotham a strip club with an illegal casino on the basement level. It was the fourth of July, Gotham's nightlife would be thirsty and in the mood to gamble their cash away. The Joker even had Jonny Frost wrangle an ice cream truck for the event it would be parked out front serving alcoholic beverage themed ice cream guaranteed to get you sloshed. Harley was in bed asleep when Joker returned to the penthouse that morning but he'd woken up alone after sleeping most of the day away. Frost was already at the grand opening, he'd called to check where his boss was and find out why he was running late. Frost doesn't get through on the first call so he waits a minute before trying again. Back in the penthouse Joker rolls out of bed and finds his pants from the night before and pulls his phone out of a pocket.

"Harley," he calls out "Get dressed we're already late!"

His voice echoes in the spacious penthouse, where in the hell was Harley? Joker takes a look in the mirror and smirks. His hair was a mess and he needed Harley to do his makeup. The phone rings, it was Frost again.

"What?" Joker had only been awake for five minutes and he was already pissed off.

"Boss," Frost was on his own running the event for now "The fire marshal just showed up they're trying to shut down the ice cream truck."

"Bribe them with some cash and a VIP table," Joker goes into the walk-in closet "I'll handle it when I get there don't bother me again!"

Joker hangs up on his henchman and starts getting ready for the night. Harley had picked out a white tuxedo with a purple and gold harlequin patterned tie. Somewhere along the way Harley had become Joker's stylist. He'd never admit it but he wouldn't be able to find his shoes or dual gun holster without her. Feeling more annoyed that Harley was still absent, Joker gets in the shower and washes the previous night off of him. He gets out of the shower and gets dressed, Harley really had an eye when it came to dressing her Puddin. Joker admires the sharp tux in a full-length mirror, he hangs the tie around his neck and comes back into the bedroom.

"Harley," he does a lap around the penthouse "Time to go where in the hell are you?"

Joker pauses in the living room, he'd heard a floorboard creak. Harley was here and ignoring him, two could play at that game. Joker goes to the liquor cabinet to make a drink and notices a bottle of top shelf vodka is missing. The Joker starts opening closets, looking under furniture. He was going to knock the shit out of Harley for pulling this nonsense on such an important night. Finally, he finds Harley Quinn his parter in crime and business hiding in one of the smaller bathrooms. He'd missed her the first time she was sitting in the bathtub with the shower curtain concealing her. She was still in her pajamas nursing the bottle of vodka. Joker rips the curtain down and yanks the bottle out of her hands.

"What the hell Harl," he hisses "Get up and dressed I can kick your ass later!"

Harley doesn't move other than swaying drunkenly and looking up at him with a blank stare. Having had enough of Harley and her moods, Joker grabs one of her arms and yanks her out of the tub. She stays on her feet for a moment as the room spins then she falls to her knees at Joker's feet, unable to stay upright. Joker raises his hand to slap her then he sees the cause of Harley's sudden disappearance. There was an empty pregnancy test box on the rim of the tub with the test next to it along with a handgun. Joker does a double-take and snatches up the gun, putting it in his holster.

"It's negative," Harley slurs "I was celebrating."

"Are you positive you're negative," Joker kneels and holds Harley's face in his hands "What was the gun for?"

Joker's heart hammers and nearly skips a beat. If Harley got pregnant she'd be of no use to him and the Joker couldn't have a child. The nightclubs and businesses were Joker's children.

"I'm not pregnant," Harley giggles "That's what's the gun was for."

"Jesus Harl," Joker pulls Harley to her feet and holds her "If anyone's going to shoot you it's gonna be me."

Harley just nods and stumbles off to get dressed. Joker waits in the master bath while Harley showers. The showers sobers her up a little bit and she gets out feeling refreshed. She wordlessly goes about getting dressed and doing her makeup. Harley slips into a slinky silver cocktail dress and curls her two-toned hair. Joker stands behind her as she sits in front of the mirror and does her makeup.

"Want me to do your lips?" the first words Harley had really spoken since Joker found her. He sits down next to her and Harley gives him a ruby smile.

"Can you do the smoky eyes again," Joker smacks his lips at the mirror "Were you really going to do it?"

Harley sits on Joker's lap and starts doing his eye makeup.

"Yes," Harley answers both questions "How smoky do you want them?"

Joker grabs Harley's wrist and pulls her closer.

"The last thing we need is an ankle biter," Joker keeps his voice even "The last thing I need is to find you brains spattered everywhere you hear me?"

"Whatever." Harley puts down the eyeliner and starts smudging Joker's eyes for the smoky effect. Joker lets her finish then he grabs her and backs her into a wall, pinning her arms.

"Did you hear me?" Joker shakes her.

"I got it!" Harley yells back. She jerks out of his grasp and picks out a pair of stilettos. Still bickering, the Clowns get in the elevator and go down to the garage level. They get in the Jokermobile and drive to the nightclub district. The grand opening of Sirens of Gotham was going well. Joker hands his car keys to Frost when they arrive. The fire marshal was inside enjoying his free table service and the ice cream truck was still going strong. Joker schmoozes with the crime bosses and Bat villains that had come out to support his endeavor. Harley goes straight for the ice cream truck and gets an alcoholic cone of pineapple rum ice cream. Joker finds her and they walk into the club together. The pair gets mobbed by Clown groupies and Frost is forced to clear a path to Joker's platform. Joker sits on his throne and watches the party with Harley at his side. Penguin approaches them and congratulates Joker on all his recent success. Harley slips away while Penguin and Joker are talking and goes back outside to the ice cream truck. The event would be talked about for years to come but Harley was bored. She bumps into the Catwoman, Selina was dressed to kill and on the clock. The two chat for a moment then Selina spots a woman draped in expensive jewelry.

"There's my mark," Selina kisses Harley's cheek "See you around Harley girl."

Harley sighs as Selina slinks off she missed having friends. Mr. J had become her world. She gets another rum cone and turns to go back inside when a whistle distracts her. Harley turns and sees Eddie Nygma, the Riddler standing in the crowd. He was working on a daiquiri cone and dressed sharp as ever in a green blazer and black pants with his hat.

"Harley Quinn," Riddler takes her free hand and kisses it "We have to stop meeting like this."

Harley laughs and tosses her hair. She'd met Nygma more than once but it was always in passing.

"Looking good Eddie," Harley grins "Aren't you out on bail?"

"I'm afraid my days of freedom are numbered," Riddler grins "Where's your beau?"

"He's a busy man," Harley nods to the building "This is our biggest party yet."

"And yet the smiling princess isn't happy," Riddler cocks his head "How about a dance?"

Before Harley can reply Frost comes lumbering up. He gives Nygma a playful shove and grabs Harley by the shoulder.

"Boss wants you inside," Frost jerks on Harley's arm "Come on!"

Harley plants her heels and slips out of Frost's grasp.

"I'm going to dance with Eddie," Harley heads for the front door "If Mr. J wants me he can come get me!"

Riddler grins triumphantly and gets the door for Harley. The victory is short-lived he gets to twirl Harley around the dance floor for about two minutes before the Joker cuts in.

"Scram Nygma," Joker comes up behind Harley and kisses her cheek "No one dances with my doll but I'll let this one slide."

"Good to see you too." Riddler gives Joker an icy glare and melts into the crowd.

"Come with me," Joker takes Harley by the hand "I have something for you."

Joker leads Harley up to the roof. He'd had Frost set up a table with champagne and more importantly privacy. Harley and her Puddin were finally alone with the Gotham night sky. Joker pours the champagne and looks at his watch.

"What," Harley sips her champagne "You have your sneaky face on."

Joker pulls her close and puts down his glass. He spins Harley around and points at the sky.

"The fireworks," Joker grins "I'm glad you didn't blow your brains out it was a bitch keeping this a surprise."

Harley gasps as the show starts. The fireworks bloom in beautiful colors, a blue and pink heart lights up the sky, a representation of Harley's birth. The show ends with Harley and Joker's faces lighting up the sky brighter than the Bat signal before it fades away. Harley giggles with delight and throws her arms around her Puddin.

"I'm sorry Mr. J," Harley sniffs back tears "Sometimes I forget what I'm living for."

"You little fool," Joker kisses her hair "You live for me and I'll build you an empire, deal?"

"Works for me," Harley looks up at Joker "Shouldn't we get back to the party?"

"Oh Harley," Joker waves a hand dismissively "We are the party."

The Clowns have another glass of champagne before departing the rooftop. Harley spends the rest of the night at her Puddin's side. The party goes till the wee hours of the morning and it seems like years before Harley and Joker are home in bed together. _Why can't it always be like this_ Harley thinks as she drifts off to sleep.

 **Author's note: another mini-crime this one kinda came out of nowhere I wanted to work on this story but it's too soon for the next chapter. Hope you enjoyed please R &R**


	3. One Rule

Harley didn't know what she possibly could have done wrong this time. The Joker had yanked her from their bed in the middle of the night, bound her hands and thrown her in the trunk of the Jokermobile. He'd been driving for hours and Harley had no clue where he was taking her. The Clown Prince hadn't said anything other than "Shut up!" since dragging Harley out of bed. Harley replays the events of the last few days in her head, trying to figure out what she'd done that would warrant such an extreme reaction from her Puddin. A few more hours pass with Harley in the trunk sweating over whatever was on the other side of this journey. At last the car screeches to a stop and Harley hears the Joker get out.

"Lenny are you sure this is a good idea?" Lisa Snart stands by her brother trying not to show the terror she was feeling inside. The Rogues had traveled to Star City for a special super-powered event. Somehow the Clown Prince had found out about it and contacted Cold a few days prior to bribe his way in.

"I dunno Sis is being rich a good idea?" Leonard Snart AKA Captain Cold rests his hand on the cold gun just in case the Joker decided to go all Joker on them.

"I hate clowns," Mick Rory AKA Heatwave hangs back "Let me know when I can burn something."

The Joker leans on the trunk of his car and waits for the Rogues to finish bickering amongst themselves. Harley kicks and screams but Joker just yells at her to be quiet.

"Hey Snart I'm growing old over here," Joker looks up at the Palmer Technologies building "Heroes have the most boring taste when it comes to venues."

Captain Cold approaches the Joker with his usual swagger, calm and collected as always.

"I consider meeting you an honor," Snart holds out his hand "You have my fee?"

"I'm a man of my word," Joker puts a thick envelope in Cold's hands "There's a bonus in it for your Rogues if you can scare the living shit out of Harley on the way in."

"I have an idea," Cold smirks "Lisa, Mick let's do what we do."

Harley can't hear much still being locked in the trunk. She could hear the Joker speaking with someone but she had no clue what was about to happen outside the car. Suddenly, some kind of weapon fires and a body hits the ground. Before Harley can react someone opens the trunk and grabs her by the hair, dragging her out of the car. Harley Quinn's attacker was a heavily muscled man with a shaved head. Hands still cuffed behind her back, Harley gives him a roundhouse kick to the face. Mick growls in frustration and pushes Harley in Lisa's direction. Harley gets ready to attack Golden Glider but Lisa whips out the gold gun and gives Harley a demonstration of the gun's power, spraying another car with molten liquid gold.

"On the ground!" Heatwave roars. Harley puts her hands on her head and sinks to her knees she'd been so busy fighting for her life she hadn't noticed the Joker laying face-down in a patch of ice.

"Mr J!" Harley cries, reaching out to try and touch him. Golden Glider steps on Harley's hand with a stiletto and applies the tiniest bit of pressure.

"He's dead Harley," Lisa grabs Harley by the collar "And you will be too if you don't come with us!"

"Let's move Crazy Pants!" Mick takes Harley off Lisa's hands and throws her over his shoulder. Golden Glider and Heatwave carry Harley Quinn into the Palmer Tech building. Once the doors close behind them the Joker sits up and has a good giggle. Captain Cold stands with his arms crossed, grinning like he'd just eaten a canary.

"Oh the dead Joker gag," Joker stands up "Works every time."

"Indeed," Snart and the Clown Prince head for the front door "When can I collect that bonus?"

"I sent it to your while I was dead," Joker chuckles "Thank you watching Harley freak out was quality entertainment."

"Whatever does it for you," Snart heads for the elevators "This way."

Heatwave and Golden Glider tie Harley to a chair and blindfold her. They were in a huge open room Harley could deduce that much and they weren't alone. The Rogues were having a hushed conversation with several someones. Harley hears the elevator she had been brought down in ding and more people come into the underground room.

"Snart what in the hell are they doing here?" Green Arrow and the Flash had bumped into Cold and Joker in the elevator. Black Canary and Arsenal come out of the shadows, ready to get this round of Super Fight Club started early.

"Everyone just relax," Snart turns to the Joker "This is hallowed ground normally we don't have rules but since you're here there's just one."

"You invited this freak Snart?" Arsenal lowers his bow.

"No killing I got the memo," Joker rubs his hands together "Excuse me."

Green Arrow and the Flash stand together, not sure how to process the new additions to their secret club. The Joker walks over to Harley and yanks off her blindfold. Heatwave and Golden Glider drift toward Snart in case Harley didn't find being pranked as funny as the Joker had.

"Puddin," Harley gets out of the chair "What the hell?"

"Surprise Harl," Joker takes her hand "Welcome to Superhero Fight Club!"

"Does that mean Batsy and Supes will be here?" Harley looks around nervously.

"We don't invite them anymore," Green Arrow says in passing "I'll see you Clowns in the ring."

"How did you find out about this anyway?" the Flash speeds up to Joker.

"That was me," Malcolm Merlyn comes out of seemingly nowhere "I thought we'd shake things up so I contacted Snart."

"Maybe we should start calling you the Chatty Archer," Black Canary bumps Dark Archer as she walks toward the ring "Overwatch hit the lights!"

Harley gapes as the overhead lights come on, illuminating the huge room. The ring wasn't a ring at all it was a giant cage. Green Arrow was already perched on a bar near the ceiling, glowering down at the Clowns. Dark Archer climbs into the cage and pulls up his hood.

"Hey Chatty," Black Canary starts climbing up the cage "It's your turn to ref!"

"So be it," Malcolm stands in the middle of the ring "Who wants to go first?"

"Me me me me!" Harley runs at the cage, swings off a bar and comes flying into the ring. The Flash speeds over to the Rogues and they huddle for a moment.

"How about a little girl on girl action?" Golden Glider high-fives the Flash and makes her way into the ring with Harley. Dark Archer spreads his arms signaling for the first two contestants to keep their distance from each other.

"Now I want a nice, dirty fight," Malcolm grins "Once your opponent is down we move to the next match, no kill shots."

"Why not?" Harley whines.

"Take it up with management," Malcolm points to Green Arrow "Overwatch are you ready?"

Felicity Smoak was seated in a glass box on the far wall behind the room's controls.

"I've got Harley Quinn and Golden Glider on the scoreboard!" Felicity hits a button and the scoreboard lights up above her control room.

"Round one of Super Fight Club has commenced!" Malcolm backs out of the cage as Harley and Lisa circle each other.

"Sorry Toots this is gonna hurt!" Harley lunges for Lisa but Snart's sister was prepared, she fires the gold gun and Harley is forced to slide on her knees to avoid the beam. The gold misses her face by inches.

"Come on Lisa get her!" Snart and Heatwave pound fists. The Joker's face twists into a scowl and he whistles for Harley's attention.

"Batter up Harl," Joker throws her one of his guns "Let's even the playing field!"

"Thanks Puddin!" Harley catches the gun and rolls, avoiding another shot from Lisa's gold gun. Harley needed to get close to defeat Golden Glider, she was a sitting duck at long range. Harley rushes at Lisa, firing at her feet to distract her. Once Harley is close enough she throws the Joker's gun and it clocks Lisa in the face, giving Harley a window to grab onto the gold gun. Lisa's hands slip and Harley bashes her in the torso with the gold gun, knocking the wind out of her. Lisa falls back against the bars of the cage as Harley keeps coming.

"Come on Glider get up!" Heatwave yells. The Flash comes zipping into the ring just in time to speed Lisa out of the way as Harley sprays gold at the spot she'd been in.

"Hey no fair!" Harley points the gun at the Flash and Lisa.

"Overwatch disable gold gun!" Green Arrow drops from his spot near the ceiling as Felicity shuts off the gun. The heroes had learned the hard way that even in Super Fight Club there had to be precautions due to the wild cards on the guest list.

"You're gonna let that fly?" Joker turns to Snart.

"Chill out your girlfriend won." Captain Cold pulls his sister out of the ring. Harley chucks the gold gun after them and raises her fists in the air triumphantly.

"I am Shiva destroyer of worlds," Harley bounces around the ring "Whose next?"

Arsenal and Green Arrow exchange a nod. Arsenal drops into the ring and Green Arrow returns to his perch.

"Whose this clown?" the Joker speaks to Snart.

"They call him Arsenal," Snart cracks a grin "Rumor has it he works with the Red Hood."

"Red Hood," that name meant something to Joker "You mean Jason Todd?"

"The one and only," Snart says "You got beef with the guy?"

"I killed him really bad," Joker sighs "Fucking Lazarus pits!"

"I share your frustrations," Cold lets out a similar sigh "You can't kill them all."

"Hey psychos Malcolm's starting the next round." Lisa interjects. Joker and Cold look up and see Harley perform a backflip to dodge one of Arsenal's arrows. Roy keeps firing so Harley keeps flipping until she ends up with her back to the bars. Black Canary pushes Harley off the bars from behind, catching her off-guard.

"Canary," Green Arrow yells down at her "No fucking with the matches!"

"Shove it Ollie!" Black Canary yells back but doesn't interfere any further.

Harley scoops up the gun the Joker had thrown her and shoots at Roy. He deflects the bullets with his bow and Harley gapes.

"No way," Harley shoots again and Roy blocks the bullet "That was nuts!"

"You're nuts!" Roy closes in on Harley relying on his hand-to-hand combat. Harley comes at him and flips over his head, landing right behind him. Arsenal reaches for an arrow but Harley is faster, she snatches the quiver from his back and throws it. The pair rush each other and Harley gets Roy in a headlock.

"Tap out!" Harley shrieks. Roy hits her in the head with his bow and Harley sees stars for a moment, then she latches on to the bow and uses it to push back against Arsenal. While he's struggling to hold on to the bow Harley head-butts him and ends the match. Roy hits the floor and the Flash rushes in to make sure he's ok before helping him limp out of the ring.

"Let's keep this party going!" Dark Archer comes back into the ring.

"Double or nothing!" Heatwave yells.

"Our next match will be two on two," Merlyn steps over a puddle of blood "Harley who will be your partner?"

The Joker comes into the ring without Harley saying a word.

"Well don't all surrender at the same time." Joker cackles and puts an arm around Harley.

Pissed off about the beating Arsenal had taken, Green Arrow silently comes forward. He beckons to Black Canary and she struts into the ring to stand at his side.

"Overwatch are you ready?" Dark Archer calls to Felicity.

"I've got the Clowns and Green Canary on the scoreboard!" Felicity resets it for the match.

"Green Canary," Dinah puts her hands on her hips "Really?"

"Focus." Green Arrow growls, sizing up his opponents.

"On my mark," Merlyn raises his arms "Get set, fight!"

Black Canary unleashes her sonic scream on the Clowns. Dark Archer covers his ears and rolls out of the ring. Harley covers her ears and drops to her knees. The Joker pulls out a smoke grenade and the Clowns vanish for a moment. Black Canary and Green Arrow stand back-to-back ready for whatever the Clowns threw at them. Harley pops up behind the Canary and gets her hands around her throat so she can't sonic scream. The Joker advances on her front slashing with a knife while Harley holds her in place. Dinah keeps the Joker at bay with kicks and waits for Ollie to make his move. Green Arrow fires one of his hook arrows from the top of the cage and it lands in between the Joker's shoulders. Oliver pulls on the rope until the Joker is dangling at the top of the cage like a piñata.

"Look out below!" Green Arrow punches the Joker a few times before he cuts the rope and sends the Joker hurtling to the floor. Black Canary flips Harley over her shoulder so both Clowns are facedown at the bottom of the ring. Harley rolls over at the last second and fires a gun up at Green Arrow as he makes his way down to the fight. A bullet lands in his armor temporarily stunning Oliver and he falls the rest of the way down, landing near the Joker. The moment Green Arrow goes down Joker gets to his feet and starts whaling on the archer. Black Canary lets out another sonic scream but Harley was ready this time. Joker tosses her a real grenade and Harley pulls the pin before stuffing it into Dinah's mouth. If Black Canary spat it out the grenade would detonate.

"Battle royale protocol!" Felicity yells into the intercom, it was fight club code for when things got out of control. The Flash speeds in and handles Black Canary's grenade situation before doubling back to help Oliver. Arsenal and the Rogues step in the ring as well.

"I'm confused," Harley cocks her head "Don't they all kill each other in Battle Royale?"

"We do it differently here," Green Arrow gets to his feet "Accept your victory and leave quietly."

"Or what?" the Joker steps up next to Harley

"Or we call in the Bat and Superman," the Flash crosses his arms "This was fun but it's time for you to go."

"Oh that is cute," Harley giggles "With all your powers and your fancy weapons and training you still can't beat us."

"We didn't beat you in the ring but that doesn't mean we can't kill you," Oliver aims his bow at the Clowns "This is your last warning!"

"Kicked out of the party," the Joker hoots "Keep in mind I know about your little club and I'll be back for a rematch when I see fit."

The Clowns leave in the elevator and the room lets out a collective sigh of relief once they'd gone. Black Canary decks Captain Cold in the face for letting the Joker in on their sacred ritual for blowing off steam. Eventually everyone goes their separate ways after saying their goodbyes. On the drive back to Gotham Harley sits in the passenger seat grinning like an idiot.

"Say it," the Joker looks over at her "Or did you forget what today was?"

"Best anniversary present ever," Harley drums her hands on the dashboard "When can we do it again?"

 **Author's note: Are you not entertained? I got the idea from watching the fight club promos CW made for the Arrowverse and I've been wanting to send Harley and Joker on a road trip for a while I just wasn't sure how to do it. This takes place before Harley's kidnapping in Crimes so look at it as a flashback or a fun side story. Please review I've never had this many big names in one chapter and it was meant to be campy and fun do let me know if I hit the mark. Thanks so much for reading hope you enjoyed as much as I enjoyed writing it.**


	4. In the Flesh

**Two Years After Harley Quinn was born - Gotham**

Harley Quinn had fallen upon hard times as of late. The Joker had been linked to what the press was calling "The Tattoo Parlor Massacre". Gotham PD had stormed the penthouse and arrested him, taking the Joker from the bed he shared with Harley. Currently he was being held at Arkham and it was too risky to attempt a breakout. If Harley was arrested she and the Joker would lose all of their properties and bank accounts. Harley Quinn and Jonny Frost were running Grin & Bare It the best they could but without the Joker around to inspire fear competitors had risen. Harley was holding on to the apartment building with all of her might but the strip club wasn't bringing in cash like it had before. Word had gotten around that the Joker was down for good this time. Penguin had already offered to buy Harley out but she held strong. Jonny and Harley pulled every job they could think of, desperate for cash. Jonny started hiring every girl that walked through the door but it seemed the prettier they were the more baggage they came with. Harley caught a girl stealing tips from other dancers one night and made an example of her. Harley dragged the stripper into the locker room and cut her throat in front of the other girls. No one lied about house fees or stole stage time after Harley's brutal deliverance of justice. A few nights later Jonny and Harley were poring over the books, trying to figure out how they were going to pay the property taxes on the building. The Joker's girlfriend was broke and if she didn't do something soon her empire would be taken from her. Other than Jonny the Joker's allies had abandoned Harley but what about Harley's friends? That was how Harley got the idea.

"Jonny," Harley looks up from the ledger "What if we had a special event that would literally empty the wallets of everyone in the building?"

"What are you cooking up in that crazy head Harley Girl?" Jonny wasn't sure if he liked where this was going.

"We advertise a special event for one night only Harley Quinn will grace the stage here," Harley bounces with excitement "I'll call in Pammy to do her thing and people will be handing us their wallets."

"Let me get this straight," Jonny rubs his temples "You're going to strip?"

"What," Harley glares at him "I got moves!"

"Jokes is gonna kill me," Jonny protests "I promised to take care of you while he's away."

"Jonny these is end times," Harley plants her hands on the desk in front of him "Have my back or get out of my way!"

"I'll organize the event and have the girls hit the street to promote," Jonny stands "Get Ivy onboard this won't be worth it without her."

Harley holds up her hand for a high-five and Jonny sighs as their hands touch. Nothing good would come of this.

In the following days the word is put out that Harley Quinn would be live, in the flesh for a once in a lifetime performance. It was surprisingly easy to secure Ivy's assistance she loved taking money from lecherous men. The night of the event Pamela arrives before the club opens to help Harley get ready and go over the details. Jonny had robbed a liquor truck the night before and he was stocking the bar with a ridiculous amount of booze. If everything went according to plan the Grin and Bare it would be drunk dry by morning. Poison Ivy and Harley had the locker room to themselves. Ivy wasn't happy about Harley stripping but she knew her friend was hard-pressed for cash. Harley had multiple layers of costume to change into and Ivy helps her. Harley strips off her street clothes and changes into a red G-string with a black and red harlequin patterned bra. Next came a plain black corset that went over the bra, Harley sucks her stomach in while Ivy laces it up. Harley slips on a pair of tiny booty shorts over the thong and checks her reflection.

"I still don't understand why it has to be you on stage," Ivy says in a clipped tone "Why not use your dancers?"

"All of Gotham's already seen them naked," Harley winks "Only Mr. J has seen me naked get the picture?"

"Men are pigs," Ivy hisses "Jonny said all the VIP tables are reserved your Joker's enemies are eager to degrade you while he's absent."

"That's where you come in Pammy," Harley starts squeezing into the Harlequin suit "I'm gonna need you on stage for a moment to do your dust thing."

"I am not pole dancing." Ivy says flatly, zipping up the suit.

"Of course not," Harley giggles "You're here to work up the crowd and keep them buying drinks and lap dances from the other girls all night."

"I suppose you'll want me to persuade the girls to part with all of their tips." Ivy goes to work on Harley's hair, curling it with a curling iron before pulling it into pigtails.

"No I'm not doing that to them," Harley pulls on the red and black hood over her hair "Makeup time!"

Ivy does Harley's makeup quickly, giving her a deep blush and smoky eyes with huge, fake lashes. Harley uses the Joker's favorite shade of cherry red on her lips and completes the "Classic Harley" costume with her mask. Jonny Frost sticks his head in the locker room to find out when Harley would be coming out on stage. The doors had opened and the strip club was filling up almost instantly.

"She's ready Frost tell the other girls to come back here and get ready." Ivy speaks because Harley is too busy admiring herself in the mirror. Jonny returns a few moments later with the rest of the dancers and they scurry around the locker room, careful not to attract Harley's attention. In all the hustle and bustle Jonny's phone rings and he goes out back to take the call. Ivy and Harley shrug, it was minutes to showtime. Jonny Frost comes flying back through the door with a terrified expression on his face.

"Out," Jonny roars at the dancers "Everyone but Harley and Ivy out right now!"

The girls pick up their makeup bags and flee to the customer's bathroom to finish their makeup.

"What the hell Jonny?" Harley straps on a pair of impossibly high red stilettos.

"That was J," Jonny says frantically "He's been released from Arkham and I have to go get him right now!"

"Yay my Puddin!" Harley bounces up and down in the heels. Ivy holds her shoulders and shakes her.

"We need Jonny here to bounce and work the bar," Ivy turns to Frost "What now big man?"

"I called in Monty to cover for me," Jonny pauses by the back door "Just hold it down until I get back."

Ivy and Harley hear Jonny floor it out of the parking lot then they hear the customers catcalling Harley's name.

"Go," Ivy says "Even with Joker free you need to see this through."

Harley kisses Ivy's cheek then she steps up onto the platform that would rotate and place her center stage. Harley lets out a giggle of excitement as the music starts, then the lights cut and the platform rotates. The stage lights up and the audience applauds as Harley does a lap around the stage, moving in the huge heels with ease. She'd spotted Monty behind the bar, he'd been the Joker's right-hand man before Frost took his place. There was certainly bad blood between the men. Harley yanks off her hood and crouches at the edge of the stage, crooking her finger for a man sitting at the stage to come closer. Harley turns her back and cracks a grin.

"Unzip me would ya?" Harley lets the man unzip the back of her suit and laughs as cash rains down on the stage. That was Ivy's cue. Pamela comes sauntering out and helps Harley get all the way out of the suit. While the audience watches Harley twirl around the pole, Ivy discreetly blows pheromone dust. The bar gets crowded and Monty struggles to keep up with making drinks. All of the lap dance booths and private rooms were occupied, Ivy had done well. Harley drops the corset and climbs to the top of the pole. She gives the audience a wink and a smile before performing a drop and landing in a split. Ivy hops off the stage and works the crowd, convincing everyone she spoke to that they needed to buy dances and drinks until their bank accounts were empty. An hour later the ATM ran out of cash. Unless they had a credit card or cash left, Monty weeded out everyone with empty pockets. Harley was about to pop the hook on her bra when she looks up and sees Jonny come through the front door with the Joker. Harley and her Puddin lock eyes then he cracks a smile and waggles a finger at her. Harley jumps down from the stage and runs into his arms.

"Did you miss me?" the Joker runs his hands down Harley's back.

"Depends on how hard you sock me." Harley grabs a shot off of a waitress moving past her with a tray. Harley throws back the shot and braces herself. "I'm ready make it quick."

"Harl I'm not going to hit you," the Joker kisses her "You did well while I was away."

Poison Ivy watches Harley and the Joker, feeling her heart break every time they kiss. Her job done, Ivy leaves quietly without being seen.

"Jonny helped a little bit," Harley winks at Frost "How'd you get em to release you?"

"Case fell apart," the Joker sighs like it was a sad thing "The only witness was a little boy and his story changed so many times such a pity."

"Can we go home," Harley asks "These morons will spend everything they have whether we're here or not."

"One moment baby," the Joker walks toward the bar "I have one last item on my to-do list."

Monty looks up nervously at the Joker approaching him. Other than being a slow bartender, Monty couldn't think of anything he'd done to piss the Joker off.

"Hey boss," Monty was sweating "Can you believe the night we're having?"

With absolutely no warning, the Joker comes across the bar at Monty. He wraps his hands around Monty's throat to keep him from speaking.

"I know you ratted me out," the Joker yells "How does the saying go...I remember now rats die!"

The Joker breaks a bottle and uses it to slash Monty's throat. No one seems to notice as he gurgles blood and drops behind the bar, bleeding out. Harley and Jonny exchange looks, Jonny's eyes question her. The Joker had been incarcerated because Harley left that child alive on the tattoo shop job and the Joker knew it. Monty didn't even know his boss had pulled that job, the Joker had killed him to shift the blame from Harley. Only the Joker knew what Harley had done and now Harley knew he knew. Trembling, Harley takes the Joker's hand and they walk into the parking lot together. Jonny trots off to pull the car around leaving the Clowns alone together. "Oh Harl there's just one more thing!" the Joker cocks his arm back and punches Harley in the stomach. She doubles over, completely winded.

"Mr. J?" she chokes out, blinking back tears.

"Pull another stunt like this," the Joker whispers in her ear "And you're going in the river."

"I'm sorry the club was going under and the building was next." Harley doesn't know if the Joker was referring to her stripping or leaving a witness at a murder scene.

"It's done Harl," Jonny rolls up and Joker opens the car door "Let's go home baby."

 **Author's note: It was high time for a mini-chapter so I banged this one out. Next chapter is in the works I'm 700 words in. I'm juggling way too many projects right now I appreciate your patience and all the follows and reviews. Thanks for reading please R &R. Any suggestions for mini-chapters are desperately needed. **


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